LBI Resue

I walk 5 days a week. Today for some reason, I decided to make a 6-walk week. Shortly after I started, I saw a little baby squirrel, apparently his mom decided to cross the road. She didn’t make it. Her poor little baby was hanging by her and was in danger of becoming roadkill himself. I picked him up and placed him at the base of a tree where you could see a squirrel’s nest. Now if you’re thinking “is she crazy?” “Picking up wild animals!” I want you to know I raised 3 boys, nothing scares me. This poor baby crawled up my arm, headed for my head. I’ve been told my hair resembles a Rat nest. It looks more like a squirrel’s nest. He curled up under my chin, shielded from the elements by my double chin, safe and warm. I really had no idea what to do, as the only animals we had were pet rocks. I took him to the police station, who gave me a box, and called animal control. However, they told me he would be euthanized. Not acceptable. I found a rescue center about 40 minutes away, and we were off. I am at the time of my life, where I’m running a little short on the kindness acts needed to get into heaven, so this rescue was self-serving. He whimpered when I put him in the box, but the thought of him free roaming my car was not appealing. As we started on our journey, I stopped for a light. Something was moving inside my shirt. Baby gave me a parting gift. I had fleas in my sports bra. I begin franticly pulling things out, up and under. The poor driver stopped next to my car and got an eyeful he will never forget! My rescue squirrel is now at a wildlife preserve, where he'll spend his life. I on the other hand am going to Pet Co, to see if they carry flea and tick collars for a woman (or should I say a Saint, like Francis of Assi) of my size. My clothes and body are currently being scalded to be safe. Just for fun I looked up rabies symptoms, irritability is a major sign. I think I’ve been suffering from rabies for decades now.

Failure to Launch

Failure to Launch Years ago, when dinosaurs roamed the earth, all we required was a beach towel, Bain De Soleil, and maybe a boom box for a day at the beach. As time went on, we started using sand chairs, they sat 4 inches above the sand, and fully reclined. We would upgrade as years went on, instead of the standard model, we opted for additional features, chair with cup holders, side pockets, and the anti-sunroof or sun shade. We had our Walkman’s and a large bottle of No-Ad lotion. This year, my 50th year of using this type of chair, I have been forced to abandon it. We started to suffer from “failure to launch” syndrome. Sitting down on our chair was easy,although gravity aided in a quick desent.After a lovely afternoon at the beach, it was time to go. The first step is getting up. Easier said than done. My husband’s method calls for one to grasp the arms and pop right up. After a number of aborted launches he achieved lift off. My way, was to scootch to the edge of the chair, and fling myself forward into child pose, from there I executed a slow motion downward dog. Success we were standing. We needed a minute or two, to reorient ourselves as to time and space, as we had just finished a very taxing workout. When our heartbeats returned to normal, we realized our days of using sand chairs had come to an end. We brought our new Hi-Rise chairs, that are the same height of those old lawn chairs or waffle thighs seats that we used to scoff at. They also come with cup holders for our Stanley cups and side bags to store our ear pods and SPF 100. Don’t even get me started on Adirondack Chairs.