Apparently my husband and children are under the mistaken impression that I have a need to always be right. I really don’t need to be right 100% of the time; it just works out that way. Remember that old Catherine Deneueve commercial for hair product? The catch phrase was “don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.” Well in my case it’s “don’t hate me because I am right.” I like being right, and admit I derive joy from the “I told you so” song and dance.
The other day I was daydreaming about when my current teenage sons grow up, wed and have babies. When out of the blue it hit me! I will probably not be around when my future grandchildren become teenagers, or at least will not be of sound mind. I am going to miss the biggest “I told you so!” moments known to mothers the world over. This is just not acceptable. In response to this problem, I have decided to attach letters to my will, to be handed to my children the day their eldest child turns 15. I am still working on the verbiage, but this is what I’ve got so far…..
My Dear Child,
You are now the proud parent of a fully fledged teenager how’s that workin’ out for you? Have you become “friends” with your child, as you always told me you would do, or are you thigh high in “How to Raise your Teenager, Without Mayhem” books? I need to know if you have been the happy recipient of the heavy sigh, and rolled eye-ball? You know this is genetic; you passed this talent to them, and if I may add you were a master!
Are you letting your “babies” live without curfews, study when they feel like it, and eat junk food 24/7? I recall you explaining to me, how these tenets were going to be incorporated in your “parenting teenagers” plan. So I must add “how’s that workin out for you?”
Are you enjoying their taste in music and clothes as much as your father and I enjoyed yours? Do you recall your choice of baggy jeans slung so low we could see your boxers? I know I do, some images can never be unseen. Have you been banned from singing along to music on YOUR radio, in YOUR car, while transporting your darling and a few friends to the mall/movies/sporting event/or an un-chaperoned party? By the way, you told us back in the day, that you couldn’t understand why we would not allow you to go to un-chaperoned parties, so am I correct in assuming you still maintain that position?
Have you become one of the “cool” parents? The ones you used to tell us about. I believe their names where Mr. and Mrs. Everyone else’s Mom and Dad. You must remember them; they dispensed money at the drop of a hat, provided their kids with the latest in electronics, always on the day of release, never nagged their children about grades, and didn’t believe that children should have chores. At Christmas do my grandchildren find that b.b. gun, new car, charge card, and Jet Ski under the tree? Again at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I must ask “how’s that workin’ out for you?”
Most importantly, do you still love him/her intensely with every fiber of your being? If you are reading this, I must assume that you have had a child, and have raised him/her to age 15. Rest assured things are going along as they should. This is just a phase, your sweet babies will return to you after a little maturity kicks in. Stay the course, stick to your guns, and one day feel free to send this letter to my grandchild!
In the meantime, know that through this letter I have posthumously gotten in my last “I told you so” lick.
Love you forever and always,
Mom
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