DOWNSIZED

DOWNSIZED  

 

I am coming to the conclusion that my job is being phased out.  Yes I know the economy has not been great the last few years, but I was under the mistaken impression that my job was recession proof. What job is this, you may wonder?  Being a mom. 

This year I only have the last two of my offspring with me, or should I say they have me with them.  In years gone by, they needed me to accompany them to the beach, get them to swimming, sailing, or an occasional movie.  I made sure they wore their rash guards, were slathered up with sun screen and lip block. Après beach, I hosed their little feet of sand, and marched them to the outdoor shower.  I lovingly prepared their favorite summer time meals. Okay, so they love Chef Boyardee and scrambled eggs! (The meals that certainly wouldn’t fly when Dad is in attendance)  Sometimes as a special treat, I would take them for ice cream, the arcade, or a scintillating round of mini golf. I always had an available ear to listen to their take on the day, even if the retelling of the tale took much longer than the actual event.

Not this year.

Their motto is “Have bike, will travel.” I have been relieved of all chauffeuring duties. Additionally they both have jobs, so the bank of Mom is not seeing the action experienced in previous years. They get themselves to the ice cream shop, after a round of golf, and I am cordially not invited.

They apply their own sunscreen, and lip balm.  Pack their own towels, and hose down their own feet after a long day on the beach. Dinner is hit or miss, as they will prepare themselves a bowl of cereal or a PB&J sandwich, before bolting out the door for the evening’s revelry.

I still have an available ear, but sadly have lost all security clearance, and put on the “A need to Know Basis” only. Apparently I need to know nothing.  If they ever do get a hold of that Snowden character, I would like a chance at the debriefing process, for I am sure he knows more about my offspring then I do.

I have been demoted to a more janitorial/procurement function. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but going from being CEO, to my current status has been humbling.  I am still in charge of picking up the trail of half cans of pop, empty water bottles, and snack wrappers.  I am informed of inventory outages pertaining to soap, shampoo, and toaster strudels, and   I still reign supreme as the laundress, and dishwasher loader extraordinaire.

I guess on some unconscious level, I knew the job wouldn’t last forever. My job description was to raise independent, responsible young men.  It appears that in spite of me, the project is right on track. I guess that old adage is true, “Time flies, when you are having a good time.”

Come the fall, I will temporarily assume some of my former duties.  They will still need to be chauffeured for at least another year and a half, and someone has to sign all those permission slips for school!