On the Road Again

 Last week was a pricey 48 hours. My husband’s car was getting an estimate for a minor ding at an auto body shop. We were asked to move his car. Being the helpful wife, I got in to back it up. I Immediately backed into someone’s brand new Fiat. We’re a real dynamic duo. My son calls it our reign of destruction, Florida edition. My sons both agreed We should get a self-driving vehicle, like a Tesla. They told us to open the vault and go for it.

Off we went to the Tesla dealership for a demo drive. All I can say is that I’ve found my tribe. All the customers knew where they were when Kennedy was shot and saw the Beatles on Ed Sullivan. The gentlemen were sporting white New Balance sneaks, while the ladies strutted in Clark’s Cloud Stepper sandals. (The warm weather sandals that are de rigor for women over 50.) Some shoppers were on their third car and raved about road trips with no navigation snafus, or helpful suggestions from the passenger seat. Apparently, this feature is beloved by all husbands we spoke with. At this age, we need all the available safety bells and whistles, or at least according to our children.

 So, a car (driverless mind you) pulls up and the door unlocks, we hop in, husband in driver seat. Our salesperson said, “Tesla drive around the mall”, and to my husband “sit on your hands.” We slowly pulled away from the curb, and drove through a crowded outdoor mall, turn signals going on, stopped for walkers, Allman Brothers playing on the   radio. It also searches the internet for you using voice commands. You never know while you’re driving down the street, you may get a hankering to know the temperature today in Timbuktu, just ask the car!

 WOW, I felt like Jane Jetson, wife of George, mother to Elroy and Judy (if you get the reference, you are Tesla age appropriate) It truly was amazing! You are shopping, and it starts to rain, you summon car to the store entrance! It maps charging stations on your travels and takes you there. It parks itself, both parallel and backing straight in, Look ma, no hands.

Now least you think I’m in Tesla’s PR group, not yet. This is like a Tinder date for cars. We’ve learned all about you on the app, and we think you might be the one. We are smitten at this stage but anxiously awaiting our first date. We receive the starship Durning Tomorrow.

Stay Tuned

Homeward Bound, Back to the Motherland

 It’s getting hot down here, or what I like to call the universal sign to us northern folk. Migration season is upon us. We usually head to Florida in early fall, or whenever you need to heat the house. When you avoid going outside due to heat and humidity down here, it is the universal sign in reverse.

We are still working on the best mode of transportation, to get ourselves and our cars back and forth. Our first year, we took the auto train from DC area to Orlando area. This was during covid. We were sequestered in our “roomette.” The linen closet is roomier. Take into consideration that spouse and I both are over 6’ tall, with corresponding girth Between the discussion about who got the top bunk, all 5’10’ of it, and the town crier in the lower bunk, announcing every 30 minutes “I can’t sleep”. My husband’s new mantra was, “never again, never again” This mode was a non-starter.

Another year, we decided to leave one car in Florida, and drive up together. Yeah, on paper that sounds good. Share the one car. You and your spouse are now joined at the hip 24/7. Every day there is a negotiation as to who gets the car. Eventually you just do all the errands together. This is not for the faint hearted. For years I have food shopped for the entire family. A spouse will pick up an item (if you send a picture and GPS aisle coordinates) but never the whole shop. I can do a complete shop, cleaning supplies included, in under half an hour. My husband was more of a meanderer. He strolls the aisles leisurely, pinching, and sniffing the produce, climbing into the dairy case, checking for the best expiration date. (I have always taken expiration dates as suggestions). He even strolls down the dog food aisle. We don’t have a dog. Comparison shopping and perusing the weekly flyer, an educated consumer, who knew? Besides the more obvious drawbacks of constant companionship, keep in mind that the one who drives picks the music.

The following year, I took the train, and He drove home by himself. He was thrilled. He planned an East Coast steak and 5-star hotel tour on his way home. We are not talking about Longhorns, or Golden Corral. He knows where every Ruth’s Chris, Capital Grill, and steak joints where the bill tops a third world country’s GNP. Likewise with hotel accommodations. You won’t find him in any Knights Inn, even though they offer free breakfast for the princely sum of 79.99 per evening. He also enjoyed the peace and serenity on his travels, as there were no arguments regarding music choices, or breakfast plans. He really loved arriving 2 days after my arrival, knowing I would have unpacked the car, aired the place out, and picked up food and beer. Meanwhile, back in my suite on the train (aforementioned roomette) things were just heating up. The train lost an engine, so we had no electricity for quite a few hours. A loss of electricity on a train translates into no air conditioning, non-working bathrooms, and no bar car. The windows were hermetically sealed, so no fresh air was available. Meanwhile, my spouse was enjoying a night cap at the 4 Seasons. All was well until that month’s AMEX bill arrived. This is still a sore subject, so let us move on.

This year we are trying a new configuration. We are both taking the auto train back. I booked the family suite, with private bathroom. It sleeps four, but given our dimensions, I think we will fit. I have done a cost analysis, and realized even with the suite, it was still cheaper than the east coast steak tour for one. As a bonus we can unpack the car together, and food shop separately. Let’s see how this works…….or tune into Dateline, “Murder on the Snowbird Express”.

The Madness of March

 So it is March. March brings Spring, the Ides, Mardi Gras, St Patricks’ day, my birthday, but more importantly March Madness. 

I’ve been dealing with this phenomenon for the past 45 years. There were signs….I was introduced to his family at a college basketball game UVA vs. UNC. I didn’t realize the significance of this at the time. Looking back, I realize in my husband’s eyes, this was equal to Taylor Swift tickets. The fact that  I had cable at my apartment was probably why we got married. If my birthday lands on a Friday or Saturday night in March, no celebratory birthday dinner for me. Although since becoming Floridians, we can hit a happy hour, and blue plate special, and still be home by tip-off.

 One of his secret wishes was for at least one of his sons to attend a big 10 college. He could plan visits around home games! Sometimes wishes do come true! An exciting year as one son’s team went all the way to the National Championship. I’m still waiting for my wish, to eat as much as I want and not put on weight.

 What I find so amazing is he can spin out players names, colleges nicknames, stats, and the coaches, for current and previous years. He is a March Madness Savant. However, he will forget instantly where and with whom we will be seeing this weekend after numerous reminders. He suffered a major stroke 12 years ago and, according to the doctors, lost a significant amount of his brain. Thank God the March Madness data portion came through completely unscathed. I guess the brain protects the most precious memories.

I’m not enamored of college basketball. In fact I’m kinda neutral on Sporting events in general. Occasionally I’ll join him for a while, and quickly learned that when he says, there is only 5 minutes left in the game, he didn’t say in basketball time. This can be converted into actual time before the final buzzer. It is anywhere from at least 15 minutes to 45 minutes barring a tie, which brings up overtime, 5-minute sessions, till someone wins. In other words, hours.

 What I really enjoy is the in-depth conversations we share during the games I’m sure he was paying rapt attention when I told him I was running off with the pool boy, while Duke was locked in fierce battle. For the record we don’t have a pool. He smiled and nodded his head. He is not a man of many words, but even less so in March.

I must admit, I have absorbed some minutia regarding Mascots, and College colors. I know who the Razorbacks are, as well as Cavilers, Terrapins, and Pirates! I know who is being referred to with Roll Tide and Go Dawgs. I utilize this knowledge when speaking to my sons in March. They have inherited his March Madness addiction, and if you can’t beat them, join them. This also may come in handy when I get called up for Jeopardy (It should be any day now) and the category is NCAA teams and mascots. Imagine if the other 5 categories are; Potent Potables, Deserts, 70’s music, Types of Sin, and cooking gadgets. I would run those categories, but probably lose it all in Final, as I could not remember what I did yesterday.

Very Shortly this Madness will end. If you think you are off the hook, let me remind you Stanley Cup and Baseball are currently on deck.