Who does the “special” projects for school in your house? I swore when I took this position as mother, that I would NEVER do my child’s work for school. I must admit that my stand has been reversed. I came to this decision after viewing a diorama or two in first grade. These architectural masterpieces seemed way beyond the scope of your average 6 year old. I quickly realized that the majority of parents were stepping up to the “arts and Crafts” plate, and the competition was fierce. I also realized that handing my boy a glue gun and an exacto knife was the first step on our journey to the emergency room.
The first project I tackled was recreating a Native American dwelling. Step one was stopping by my local craft store to pick up the obligatory pipe cleaners, Popsicle sticks, and my first glue gun. I lovingly crafted faux animal hides out of brown felt, and began attaching them to my pipe cleaner infrastructure using the glue gun. I quickly discovered that there outta be a law against my operating this piece of equipment. I couldn’t quite get the hang of it. I was glue gun challenged. Strings of molten glue festooned my wigwam, kitchen table, and more painfully, my fingers. I powered through, and after adding a little fake fire ring, I was extremely proud of my creation. There was a tense moment when it was discovered that I had glued the structure to the table, but, I was able to gouge it away, leaving a loving divot memento. At back to school night, all the abodes were on display. Obviously some of these moms and Dads had way too much time on their hands! There were wigwams and teepees that would put the real deal to shame! Some even had twinkling red lights nestled under orange tissue paper, to simulate a crackling fire. My son’s teacher sidled up to me and whispered, “Do they think I don’t know who constructed these Indian dwellings?” “I would much rather see the child’s work, just like what your son made.” “Just shocking,” I replied. I had the arts and crafts skill of a 7 year old.
The years rolled on, and I made dioramas, volcanoes, and earthquake proof buildings. My best work, in my humble opinion, was a diorama of “Mr. Popper’s Penguins.” I constructed a stage with dancing penguins and an appreciative audience. I was so proud of this work that I would actually take it out to show my friends! Imagine my shock, when this piece only garnered a B! Obviously junior had fallen down on his end of the project, with the book report piece. I had brought my A game. Where were my children, when these works of art were being constructed, you might ask. They were busy coating their palms with Elmer’s glue, to make fake skin! If only they had a project calling for the study of palm prints, we would have been made in the shade.
As my two youngest went off to elementary school, my work load doubled. Since they are twins, I was forced to make 2 of every project. I couldn’t handle the stress, so by fourth grade, I retired my glue gun and handed in my resignation as ‘special craft project manager.” You are on your own. Shortly after my retirement, one son was assigned a project on Egyptian weaponry. He needed to construct weapons used in ancient Egypt and wanted to go to the local craft store to buy supplies. “I don’t believe there was an AC Moore’s, or Michael’s Craft Supply Shop in ancient Egypt.” “I think they used things they found in nature” I told him. “Go forth and forage!” He went out and gathered sticks and stones. He made a sling shot with a y shaped tree branch, a spear with an aluminum foil point, a club with a log, and some rocks and stones to hurl at enemies.
Once again, at back to school night, all the Egyptian projects were on display. There were children dressed as Pharaohs, meticulously constructed pyramids, a replica of the Sphinx, and enough power point presentations to knock your socks off. My child came in lugging a MACY’s shopping bag with backyard debris. He stood proudly by his project, happily explaining how spears and rocks were the weapons of choice back in the day. Meanwhile I was busy removing my name tag, knowing the other parents were itching to know who the lazy mother of this poor child was. At the conclusion of the evening my son excitedly told me that the teacher had given him an A! This was the first A any project originating from our house had ever received. I was proud, but I was still not putting my name tag on.
Down my basement is a stockpile of projects from over the years. “When are you going to toss this stuff?” my husband asked. I never plan to get rid of them. I plan to pass these projects down to my future daughters in law. They may not realize the importance of these gifts right away, but I know the day will come! Recycling at its best.
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