The Naked Truth

There is a big difference in behavior between the sexes, when it comes to the locker room. I remember back when I was bringing my 6 year old son to swimming.  He had reached the magic age, where he was persona non grata in the ladies locker room, and had to move up to the Men’s locker room.  That first day, I stood outside the door, straining to hear him.  What I heard was gales of laughter emanating from behind the closed doors.  He and his best friend were supposedly getting dried off and dressed.  Eventually they emerged, t-shirts clinging to their still damp bodies.  Every time they glanced at each other, they would break out in peals of laughter. “What is so funny, you two?” I queried. Between snorts and giggles, they told me there was an old (probably 30) man in there walking around with no clothes on.  “We saw his naked behind!” they chortled. My son couldn’t wait to tell his dad about the experience. My husband said, “What am I missing here?” “It’s a locker room; of course the people are naked.” He went on to explain to our son that a locker room is for changing into/out of clothes, and for taking showers.  All of this activity takes place in a nude or semi-nude condition.

Well not in my locker room! The majority of ladies changing, or showering do it behind the dressing room curtains.  If all the dressing booths are taken, we wiggle into our undergarments while still modestly wrapped in our towel.  Most women do not strut their stuff in the buff! “Oh, that’s just you” he replied “I am sure most gals get dressed and undressed unselfconsciously in the locker room.” Well mister, I am here to tell you that you are as wrong as wrong could be. Oh there are exceptions to the rule; a few exhibitionist types like women who love their current appearance (and we all know how common that is) and ladies over the age of 85. These crazy nudists will saunter naked from the shower to the dressing booths, wearing just a smile, but believe me; we roll our eyes and talk about them!  “Did you get a load of Lady Godiva, after the swim aerobic class?”

A seed of doubt was planted in my mind though, so in the name of science, I decided to poll a few friends on their position of locker room nudity. The results are in, and as expected, most women are thumbs down on the walk of nakedness. “I get dressed behind the curtain, as God intended it to be!”  was the typical response. They also expressed wonder at those few women that besides trotting about bare-assed also perform personal hygiene chores like lotioning, shaving, or applying make-up. Good Lord, how long can one keep their stomach tucked in?

So to any gentlemen in the audience, I am sorry to disabuse you of any fantasies you may have harbored about the Ladies Locker Room. We are not prancing about the place, swatting each other on the butt with our towels, or lounging on the benches. To the ladies out there, I’m not telling you anything you didn’t already know!