I am about to reveal my ownership of a useful but vastly underrated tool. Yes that’s right I am coming out of the water closet. I own my own toilet snake. I am sure there are a number of you out there that possess one as well, but shame has forced you to keep it on the down low. Looking back over the years, my only wish was that I had procured it earlier. It is way less embarrassing, not to mention less expensive than calling in the plumber.
Many years ago, pre-snake days, I suffered a humiliating experience. Let me set the stage, and you be the judge. Like most people, the first thing I do in the morning, before I shower, is go to the bathroom. Now being the efficiency expert I am, I don’t pull my bloomers back up. The reason for this, is I am about to jump in the shower. I am willing to go Commando for the 3 steps it takes from toilet to shower. One fine morning, I decided to kick my under drawers up from the floor with my foot, planning to catch them, while flushing the toilet with my other hand. (Very efficient multitasking) Being deficient in the hand eye coordination arena, I missed the panty punt. I looked around, and my underwear were gone! At that same moment I heard ominous rumbling from the toilet, and noticed the rising tide. I had flushed my underpants down the toilet! Oh my God, oh my God, (not the actual words I used, but this is a family blog). My husband entered the bathroom to find out the cause of all the commotion. I told him, and he looked at me, and asked, “why did you flush your under wear?” “Well obviously it was an accident,” I replied. He just shook his head, and retreated, as he bid me “good luck” explaining that one to the plumber.
I called the first plumber listed in the yellow pages, and was assured a technician would be out there in an hour. As promised a nice young plumber showed up on time, and asked me about the problem. There was no way on God’s green earth I was going to confess to the actual events leading up to the clog, so I shrugged and said I believed something had been flushed down the commode, accidently. I also added with a knowing look, “I have 3 year old twins, so it could be anything.” Did I throw my babies under the bus? You bet I did! We proceeded to the toilet in question, when it dawned on me. This was no little pair of Victoria’s Secret undies that were about to be retrieved. Rather the catch of the day was a large pair of granny whites, complete with shot elastic. I stood by with a large trash bag at the ready. After a turn or two with the snake, out came my bloomers. I snatched the offending undergarments and stuck them in my sack. “I think they were someone’s underwear” the plumber stated. Nothing was getting past this guy. “Oh, my mother was here last week, the boys probably flushed her underwear away.” Another family member tossed in front of the bus! I had no shame. I quickly paid him, and ushered him out the door.
A few years later, I accidently flushed some cleaning rags, while I was emptying a pail of dirty water. The same ominous glugging sound, told me it was time to call the plumber. I went to the yellow pages, and this time went to a different plumbing outfit. I was told the technician would be out within the hour. Imagine my shock, when I answered the door to the same plumber from a few years back! He had switched firms, and I was lucky enough to call the place he was currently employed! “Oh Hi, it’s you again.” “Whose underwear are we rescuing today?” Just my luck, a plumber and a comedian! I bought my own toilet snake that very next day!
I have spoken to friends about their toilet troubles. Some of them have experienced problems way beyond the scope of the snake. One good friend had to get the main pipe from her toilet to basement replaced. The cause of the blockage was an infestation of Fischer Price Weebles. You know those toys that wiggle and they wobble, but they don’t flush down? This same friend went into her bathroom one morning, and was confronted by a squirrel doing laps in her commode! She immediately slammed the lid down, and stacked some heavy objects on top (you might think that was overkill, but she figured if Rocky had enough strength to pry open her bathroom window, a toilet lid might not be enough to contain him.) Unfortunately by the time animal control arrived, the search and rescue had changed into a search and recovery! Luckily her kids didn’t try and flush that problem away!
A snake won’t “flush” all your plumbing troubles away. But at the low price of $8.99, plus free shipping, you only have humiliation to lose!
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