Lost in Translation

The migration begins in June when school lets out.  Moms accompanied by their offspring

head to the shore.  The Dads arrive on Friday nights, and head out Sunday , or early Monday morning.  The Moms try to bring to the beach house everything they need for the duration. This includes but is not limited to clothes, swimwear, goggles, towels, sunscreen, summer reading list books, prescriptions, DVDs, bikes, scooters, sunglasses, stamps, stationary, helmets, aspirin, any perishable food in the refrigerator, etc.........The van is packed to bursting, the children's faces usually mashed up against the window, oh did I mention pets?  Well I think you get the picture.

Invariably something will be forgotten.  I then get to play "What Language am I Speaking?" with my husband.  The  first week down this season, I realized I had forgotten to bring down my special summertime martini glass.  It is a very cute hand painted number  that I received from one of my LBI buddies. It was residing in the top shelf of the cabinet over the microwave.   I also left my deviled egg platter in the cupboard directly over the oven.  Additionally I failed to back up some files from my home computer  that I needed down here.  Now this is where the fun begins.  I know my husband will be coming here Friday.  I also know the biggest thing in his car will be a hefty trash bag of dirty clothes.  Why not have my beloved bring some of my missing items!  I called him during the week, and made my request. I included what I thought were pretty detailed  descriptions of said items, including  GPS coordinates.  So what did my dutiful spouse show up with?  A plastic juice tumbler, with a painted Disney motif, an empty egg carton, and  two floppy disks (my computer only takes CDs/DVDs). Trust me this is a big improvement over previous retrievals.  At least the objects he brought  for me had some,  tenuous relationship  to the items I had requested.  I have learned that he hears green when I say  blue,  I said tweezers, he heard screw driver, you want  your nice sun dress, be prepared for a wedding gown complete with veil.

I had often puzzled over this summer time break down in communications.  I believe I might have solved the translation issue.  Mind you, I said solved the translation  mystery, not solved the problem. I believe when my request was being made, I did not take into consideration some very important facts. I have a sneaking suspicion that my darling received my call as he was sitting with his feet up on the coffee table, having a beer, and eating a large bag of potato chips for dinner.  Compounding the problem, was  the grand slam that was hit as I was describing the articles I needed.   This action on TV caused a reaction, namely my husband sitting up straight, and thus knocking the beer and chips to the floor with his feet. Since he doesn't like to burden me with problems, he made an executive decision to keep this mishap to himself.  So to spare me he just said "sure thing, I'll bring them down on Friday night" as he was grabbing paper towels  and the dust buster, or not.   Later I'm sure it crossed his mind when he headed up to his un-made bed, dodging piles of dirty clothes and damp towels, or not.  It probably made a fleeting pass through his thoughts as he lay in bed watching slo-mo replays of the earlier grand slam on Sports center,  who was I kidding?  Friday morning as he was having his daily OJ  directly out of the carton, before loading his trash bag for the trek to LBI, a nagging at the back of his conscience reminded him of my request.  Since he will not admit  that he doesn't listen to half of what I say, he relied on the memory of our phone conversation. Hence the ensuing confusion.

I have rolled around some ideas on how to remedy this situation. I believe I have a workable idea. All I need to do is take out an ad on the jumbo-tron.  Instead of" Mary will you marry me? " My message will be: Please bring down my red flip flops, not to be confused with the LL Bean duck boot. In the meantime you may see me around town, I'll be the one in the wedding dress and bedroom slippers.